Once damaged, true self esteem can only be rediscovered or reawakened.
Those who seek to "earn it" through competition or comparison
will always fail in the long run.
Competition and comparison can defend against a core sense of unworthiness
but can never truly defeat it.
To return to your original state, you must remember this, the ultimate truth:
You were born a worthwhile, lovable and perfect human being.
And you still are today.
The foundation of self esteem
Consider this phrase
"It is me for which that I have come."
You are here to fulfill your own destiny. Your first obligation is to be true to yourself.
But isn't that selfish?
This is a common concern.
The best way to show that it is not selfish is to review the opposite. Imagine someone who does everything for others but it is not what they truly feel. Expecting someone to behave in that way is to ask them to be a robot, mechanically fulfilling the expectations of others. A chilling example of this is the movie "The Stepford Wives"
People who are true to themselves will be more peaceful, happier and the idea of giving is something they will feel inspired to do.
And in the end, would you rather receive a gift inspired by obligation/guilt/fear or a gift inspired by true caring?
What is self esteem?
Self esteem is a self-evident belief that you are valuable, important and worthwhile. It is an unwavering certainty of your equality with all other people. True self esteem is not diminished by external judgment or criticism from others.
Beware of imitators (the perils of conditional self esteem)
TV and magazines present very enticing ads that suggest that if you just lose 10 lbs (or buy this car or make more money, etc.), you will feel happy with yourself. Oh, and not so incidently, they have the product to help you do just that. These things might make you feel better about yourself in the short term but in the end they are conditional. They are just one more set of hoops that you must jump through before you can feel OK. If you fall under the spell of this vision of self esteem, you will be preoccupied with appearances, social status and external affirmations.
By the same token, be careful of comparing yourself with others. There will always be those who are more something (attractive, smart, talented, etc.) and you will feel bad by comparison. Even if you do compare favorably, it may lead to momentary esteem but it will be conditional and impermanent.Authentic self esteem arrives when you accept yourself completely and take pride in yourself exactly as you are today.
How can I improve my self esteem?
Start with these facts:
Daily Affirmations
Practice these affirmations regularly:
"Whatever I am doing, I love myself for doing it. Whatever I am feeling, I love myself for feeling it."- Thaddeus Golas (modified)
Change becomes possible when you recondition your brain.
One way to recondition your brain is by using repetitive affirmations.
So, if you feel that you are "not good enough", you might use the affirmation "I am good enough."
Combining repetitive affirmations with walking (say each step), exercise (say each movement) or with music will increase the effect.